Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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