Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
