I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
