my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize