Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
