...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize