My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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