today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Randomize
