shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
