shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
