Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
