Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
