i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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