True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
