I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
