I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
