I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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