i was born a porn star she said
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
