He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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