nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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