I just saw a hot homeless man
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
