JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I looked at my own cervix.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
It all started with a game of naked twister.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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