so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
