the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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