Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
