dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
