all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
