Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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