ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
