is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
