Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
