I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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