Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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