I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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