haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
