Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
