he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
