Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
