It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize