You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
