i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
