I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
This is the high leading the old right now
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
