high people should be assigned attendants
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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