Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
