pop tarts are not kleenex
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
