Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
