dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
