She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
