just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
