do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
