I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
