The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
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