Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
