I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
