3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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