OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
