Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
