when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
You're like the curious george of whores
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
