I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Randomize
