party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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