Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
