My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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