So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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