an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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