i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
