do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
