I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize