I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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