I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
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