Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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