I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
