Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
