I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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