He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
